Drug Free!

When I say drug free I need to clarify. Other than alcohol and the occasional headache-numbing paracetamol I don't do drugs. Neither do I hang out in any drug-dealing dwellings. The drug I am referring to on this occasional is caffeine. Today I had no coffee and thus no caffeine. Real handy for a coffee blog I know. But instead of leaving you wanting, I figured, hey I'm in Edinburgh during the Fringe there must be something I can talk about it. And there should is. As a perpetual day-off loner it is quite easy to overhear and oversee some pretty entertaining things. Not distracted by chat here are a few observations I have made of general Fringe assemblage.

1. If you're not sure if a show has ended this is generally a bad sign. Useful tip in this situation: don't ask the man on the way out if that was "seriously the end?" They don't appreciate it.
2. Theatres at the Fringe generally have a lingering background smell that is a noxious combination of electric cables, sweat and farts. For some reason as soon as you get a whiff you have to take a deeper sniff to identify the prominent smell.
3. Posh middle-class white guys like to imitate spoken word hip-hop artists. Note: You will never be as cool, so stop flagging your arms and nodding your head. It's embarrassing for us all.
4. Teenage thespians love to use big words in sentences often randomly and without reason. For example, "Irrespective" is a very good word, but it doesn't belong in your average conversation.
5. Grumpy old men that moan about having to wait outside in a queue should be quiet and remember their umbrellas next time.
6. Too be a good actor you have to be fearless. To be be a good audience member you have to relish in that actor's fearlessness and only then will you be part of something special.
7. If you film yourself up close pouting in sunglasses on your iPhone you're a t**t. If you do this waiting to get into a theatre while your friends are having a conversation around you you're a double t**t.
8. In Edinburgh it's possible to watch nine men strip onstage, dance and make out before 4pm in the afternoon. Who knew?
9. Women in public toilets always look quite angry. On a side note to this: always double checked the toilet sign-age at each venue. It is all too easy to walk into the gents by mistake, as pointed out by a man and cleaning woman on two separate occasions today just before I reached the urinals.
10. A kebab shop is a choice of restaurant rather than takeaway and kebabs can be eaten before a night out.  I'm not sure if this is Scottish or Fringe custom.
11. Lacking coffee I often begin to crave wine or cider. This is an observation of myself obviously, but I just want to check this is normal?
12. People will always walk at their very slowest down a small street when you are in a rush.
13. Quote overheard today: Young Girl says to Mother "As I always say, some people are put on this world to confuse me. Just like you." Not only are you right Young Girl, but you're in for a whole world of confusion. Bring on puberty, employment and independence.
14. Under the threat of being sued for not being allowed into a show as a latecomer managers come up with the best comebacks, my manager for example. "Sir you were late. If you're late for a train, you miss the train. It's the same thing." Boo ya!
15. If you book several shows in one day, by the end of the day you will have easily walked five miles or more and still have a numb bum. It's an odd combination.

And those my friends are my top fifteen observations of today. Sorry there was no coffee shop to talk about this time, but I start work at 8:45am tomorrow so be assured coffee will be involved and along with it a lovingly slapdash review.

Frothy Fun Fact of the Day: One of the most popular cures for baldness in 17th century Edinburgh was to rub the burnt ashes of a dove's dung on your head. They run a good festival, let's just remember that.